Gay dating who ask who to be bf


Our no-nonsense agony uncle gets straight to the point of your most pressing issues

Obviously not everyone changes the way they act because of their sexuality, it's just that many people are described or describe themselves as either camp or straight-acting. Well done for 12 years btw, that sounds like a lifetime to me: P ocherdraco: I'm more comfortable talking about guys and "gay stuff" with my female friends than the male ones, and have occasionally said things such as "ooh, he's fit!

A couple of my more crazy friends will actually go up to guys and ask them right out if they are gay or not, which leads to endless embrassment!


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Thanks for the advice though, I'll try and do a bit more of this: I live in a medium-sized town not too far from various larger towns and cities with gay scenes. I know a few local gay people and have a few gay friends from old jobs, school, etc. I'll certainly try and build up some more contacts though and see how it goes. I'm not really an activities-type guy although I'm sure it won't do any harm to make some enquiries about such things in the local area.

Great advice about asking people for a date after "bedroom things" - don't know why I've never thought of this before. I'm probably being too presumptious by assuming they were drunk and wanted a one-nighter.

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I will be sure to suggest a night out to a few friends for a bit of practice. Thanks for the advice. I think I may have taught myself to watch what I say in public in fear of being homophobically bullied, etc. I'm glad to say I've never had any trouble and the places I hang out tend to be relatively gay-friendly obviously barring one or two people here and there, like you no doubt get everywhere. Maybe I should try slipping subtle hints into conversations as you say.

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In regards to a single earring, I can't do that unfortunately as I have stretched lobes on both ears. Although, I have recently bought a couple of button badges that are symbolising "gay".

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One badge is two male-shaped figures like you'd see on some male toilet doors standing together, and the other is a female-shaped figure behind the standard red "no entry" type sign. I have a small handful of gay friends in your same position and my heart goes out to you; unless you live in a city with a large gay population, it's a lot harder to meet people if you're not into the stereotypical gay scene, and even harder if you don't naturally set off gaydar.

All my friends have done is use online dating services, and they sometimes go to the gay clubs anyway. This works out alright for them; not great, but alright. It gets you out there. An option is moving in with gay flatmates who then know other gay people. I think lesbians in the U.

I'm not a very confident person and not really the type to walk up to strangers and enquire about their sexuality, I also think my gaydar has been defective since birth ; You remind me of one of my best friends. He does alright though, because he lives in Washington, D. Also he's a giant flirt, ok, tease. I tell him that if he was a woman I would dislike him severely. I think you just need to be more aggressive.

People do use how you dress, talk and act as shorthand for who you are. This means two things 1 flirting more; 2 being firm and upfront about what you want. If you are a one guy guy, then let them know from the beginning and stick to your guns.

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People who just want sex are gonna go for it with you, so be firm. I was very into the gay 'scene' - clubbing, parties, lots of gay friends, lots of hook-ups, difficulty finding a long term boyfriend. My boyfriend was more like you - into metal, mostly str8 friends, not really into the gay scene, lots of surprised reactions when he came out to people. We met online and were wildly sexually attracted to each other.

Got to know each other better, found that we in addition to the sexual chemistry, we got along great, so we moved in together within the year.

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Still happily coupled a year after that. I think gay dating and maybe all dating is a numbers game. You need to go through a lot of folks before you find a match. So, get online and keep looking. Set-up lunches, dinners, hook-ups, or shared activities with guys you find online until you meet one you click with. Bluntly said, I see a lot of internalized homophobia in your post and it is going to inhibit your goal to meet people. In my experience, gay and lesbian people find other gay people in gay contexts and social venues.

The world at large is not a great place to find a lover, though of course it happens. But I wouldn't want to count on it. I'll admit the small possibility that this is generational and not true for young people but hmmm Your squeamishness about gay social venues seems to be based on limited experience. Recently, I received an email from a guy who'd discovered that his boyfriend had been episodically visiting Grindr and various other sites. When caught, the boyfriend had stated that it was because he enjoyed being a voyeur and was just looking at photos.

The guy who emailed me was wondering, "Is it OK if my boyfriend is on Grindr? I have been asked this question a ton, and my answer has consistently been "yes, no and maybe. Do you go to gay bars with your boyfriend? How about movies in gay parts of town? Do you go to Pride parades during the summer? Does your man go to work, go to the gym or even go outside? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then why not let him on Grindr? At the end of the day, Grindr is just a different way of seeing and experiencing the world.

All those floating torsos and photos of faces are connected to real people in real places that are really only feet away.

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Being on Grindr isn't too different from being in the real world, so all those worries you have bottled up about him logging on need not apply. Out in the real word, your boyfriend is just as likely to do all those things that you are scared of him doing on Grindr. Grindr has been called the world's scariest gay bar and a digital bathhouse, but it can also be the neighborhood coffee shop, a venue for a kiki with a new friend, an amusement park or even just a train ride to work. Grindr is what you make it. It's really up to the user and what he decides to do.

Grindr isn't going to magically put a man in your bed; you choose that. Let's see what users do on Grindr, anyway.


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  7. The researchers found that Of course, some may not like hearing that their boyfriend needs to "kill time" or wants to make new friends if you're in his life, but look at it this way: At least he isn't hooking up. But speaking of hooking up, according to the same study, If someone were to ask you to describe your boyfriend by comparing him to a celebrity who's most like him, whom would you choose? The latter celebrities were all cheaters, so a boyfriend like them probably wouldn't be trustworthy on Grindr if you are in a monogamous relationship.

    If you want to be a promiscuous gay rat, go ahead and do it. Open relationships have to be two-ways, otherwise one partner is carrying the burden. Going along is not a solution, it will only lead to frustration and anger. The figure out you next steps. And it seems to work for them. Every guy is different. Every relationship is different.

    Honesty, communication, compassion in large doses to keep a relationship going, whether open or closed.

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